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I do not know why i keep coming back after a while to post a blog here... I know very little or no one read my blog from here since it's so damn dull compared with others...

Maybe it's a feel of being back home... Somewhere which i started my passion for writing for no reasons, writing for just the sake of writing something out... Some outbreak of creativity maybe...

Still haven't gone in the mood in continuing my unfinished story... Now i know why some writer take years to write a novel, esspecially good, unique and none repeatitive ones... May i could finish the story one day and get someone's notice and help me to compile and publish it...

Here i come again....

It's been a long time since I post here, have been writing in another blog... But it's tonight a sudden feel makes me post a new entry here again... I started a new life, really a new one... But still i have an unfinish story here that I would like to continue one day...

It's been two months and 16 days and counting, things settle down a lot and i start to walk straight...

Dear, you shown me light in my darkest hours,
You gave me hope when all have perish,
You give me love when i am all out of it,
You brought me up when i fell so deep.
Thank you for what you've done,
Thank you for you.

Thank you... Dear...

It's been quite sometime since my last post... Ain't being posting as frequent as before...

A little recap of what happen last weekend... I did something some would call me crazy... So call me nuts... I took a one day trip which total consist of over 600km drive to KUANTAN... Did a lot of thinking during the drive there... But by the time I was driving back to KL it was all worth it...

I drove all the way there to meet someone... That one person which make the whole tiring drive worth it... We meet each other and went to the beautiful beach of KUANTAN... The beach was one of the best beach u could find in PENINSULAR MALAYSIA, but she, the one I drove all the way there to meet made it perfect... We have a walk on the beach and joked around... It's really been sometime that I haven't been this happy... Everything just seems to click and snap together so well...

I send her home by the end of the day and drove back to kl myself with a lil extra...

Dear... This part is totally for you... I do not know how long could all this last but I really do appreciate to have you coming into my life... To be honest, I wasn't so sure that driving down to KUANTAN was the right choice that day when i am on the highway, but it seems that i really made a right choice this time...

Dear
You're an angel send by god,
Bringing the smile and laughter back to my life.
You're the person to brighten up my day,
You're the person that make me broken heart nomore.
I am really happy that you have came into my life,
Let's appreciate on everyday we have and try to make things last.
Dear, piggy heart you lots lots lots...

Happy... Hehehe...

Cold cold cold....

I am doing this post at somewhere ultimate cold.... Genting... Had nothing to do here... No point betting, won't win....

Pretty much busy lately... Ain't got time to post up that often as before... New things coming up... A lot of big plan happening for me....

I have just got a few great albums... Two from yeah yeah yeahs... Pretty much into the mood for some psychedelic rock nowadays... The drug tongue voice sounds superb....

Genting is so damn cold... Make my mind so messed up... Couldn't think straight, couldn't think right....

I think I have an ultimate sickness...

I am kinda sick again... I just don't know why I keep on getting sick... Though not serious one but the headache and dizziness is really giving me a havoc...

I was once told that when someone is unhappy they tend to get sick easily... I am not sure how true is this but yupe I am pretty much unhappy... Just hope my headache won't last through the night...

I make a dream of sorrow
I have a heart so cold.
Cold as it may be, cold as it should.
You make me live with sorrow,
You make me live with a heart so cold.

long time no see....

It's been quite a while since my last blog entry... I don't really much have the mood to write... My mind is playing tricks on me... I am not slacking at work anymore, pretty much earned a lot of my dad's trust... But it's just sometimes I still feel something is not right....

Been a bit busy lately too... I have to delay my hair cut for two weeks... But it's done already... Pretty short this time but yeap it looks good... Thank you Jason...

Still took a little time at night to catch the POTC 3: At World's End at I-MAX Theatre... It was awesome.... I don't care if you would call me a gay... Johnny Depp is good...

Pretty much got hooked with John Mayer's Continuum album and John Legend's Once Again album... My favourite now is John Mayer - Dreaming With A Broken Heart...

I'll be living strong
Not for you but for me,
I'll be living strong
So I can break the bond.

Please give me the power,
The power to fight alone.
Please give me the wisdom,
The wisdom to live alone.

Things will be fine
As i will be strong;
Strong to fight, strong to conquer.
I will be strong.............

Thank you Bok... Perfect imperfection...

Well I have to say thank you to my good ol buddy BoK who wrote a comment on my last post... Thanks for the support and I will keep up the good work... I think I am going to write a poem again... Hope everyone will like it...

I like you for your perfect beauty,
I love you for your imperfect soul.
I like you for what you are,
I love you for what you don't;
Your imperfection makes you unique
Your imperfection makes me whole.
You make me perfect,
You make my perfect world.
Life without you is imperfect
Life without you is a hole.
Please fill my imperfection,
Please fill my soul;
Please turn your head now
This is an ugly soul
An imperfected ugly soul.

Wake up.... Not Hillary Duff....

I pretty kinda woke up from my brain deep slumber... Didn't have enough sleep for this weekend, but it felt so wake up today... It's a feeling of full swing, a feeling that my body starts to run again, my brain is at full throttle... Not totally optimistic like before.. But at least not negative thinking...

Pretty much still in the blues... But yeah, i felt different from the weeks before... The blues this time feel like a little storm, a little storm before dawn... I could feel the sunlight shinning through the clouds, just a little more rain, just a little more wind and the clouds will be gone, daylight is waiting for me, a new day is coming...

I dunno what will happen but I think something good... Everything seems like a good omen to me... I think I will see a good end... Something I heard before..

It's not how a man starts make a man,
It's how a man choose to end it.
Choose a path, a righteous path
Be a man, be a honoured man.
Choose a life, a great life
Be a warrior, be a thoughtful warrior.
And yes we shall fight, yes we will fight
Fight for the great end of out life..

Two years...

This is a little history of what have i been through for the past two years...

I finished college without a diploma in hand that year... Was too slacking in the college, I flung about every single subject i take... It was not long after that I found a job, hoping that this job will be a great career for me that time, I put a lot of hard work in making this job works... But it seems like selling a car like that doesn't help that it bring myself to the deepest of the worst of my life then... I dun have enough money from my salary to even live a normal life... I never thought of giving up then, and saw a chance of change...

I notice there is a business oppurtunity and thinking of grabbing it... Without enough support from my family, i make my most stupid decision of taking a high interest loan... Shark loan to be exact, the interest was at 20% a month... Putting hope to that business oppurtunity i didn't hesitate much, it was not until i found out i have been fraud that i know i am in deep trouble... 20% a month means i have to come up with at least RM 200.00 a month as the interest... Not even making enough for the living that has been the hardest time of my life...

Being totally stressed and tired during that time has bring me into some other troubles... I picked up a bad habit, I picked up the pill call EXSTACY... I tried it before but it was until then I got hook to it... Having friends that provide me with unlimited supply of it for free was helping me finding a getaway from all my troubles... Hiding away from my problems did not help the debt, as it bundles to a bigger stack... It was until then I make another wrong decision in my life, trying to fraud a customer... It then failed and my parents help me clear some problems, but i did not let them know about the debt... I got grounded for few months and it was the worst time of my life...

Being grounded and kept away from the drug that ruin my thinking gets me think straight... I try making it up to my parents to thank them for what they have help me with... It took me two years to settle everything, everything that ruin my life... I do not run away from my past and I am not ashame to admit it... People will make mistake in their life and it's for themselves to wake up from it and overcome it...

I think no one know totally of my messed up life, and no one knows how bad I felt... It's not that I don't trust people, but it's the thing that it's my own mistake and I made the wrong choice... I will have to settle it myself if I can and I don't want another person to be worried bout me...

I am not sure if I have growned up since all this happen... I will not know, It's for me to change and for you people around to see... I'll have to thank the people who was there for me when i am in deep shit and the people who trusted me when i am grounded... We have no way of seeing each other but just phone calls... But still people trusted me... Thank you... This is my confession of my sins, this is my last word of regrets... I will live my life full and I will not leave any regrets in my life no more... Still there is one regrets... I hope I could make it up to it... Please pray for my success in overcoming this biggest regret of my life...

Maroon 5....

Maroon 5 brand new album is about to be launched this month... This time naming it "It won't be soon before long"... Already having a single out on the mtv makes us craving for this upcoming album... It would be the album of the year in my car playlist awards...

Being tired from today so i won't be blogging long... I will end here for now and i will post a summary of my two f**ked up year before and let you all have the insights of my life then... Do check it out...

Long time no see

It's feels like a very long time for one day to pass when you so get used to doing something at that specific time. I have problem logging in yesterday to blogger.com so I didn't write anything about yesterday. It feels like I haven't been blogging so long...

Nothing pretty much happen yesterday... Work as usual... But went to see SPIDERMAN 3 yesterday at Sunway Pyramid... This episode is the bomb... Although there is a little lack in action and fighting, but it is like every action looks so compact and straight to the point... This episode emphasize on the growing up of Peter Parker a.k.a. Spiderman from a proud young man to a more humble growned man... Being having stronger powers and better popularity have drawn Peter Parker to become over confident and too proud of himself that he never view other peoples feeling in it... It also shown that he was a careless person and a person with a lot of anger inside of him... And in the end he took his time to grow and think, to let go of his arrogant attitude and learns to forgive... He became a man after this episode, you could feel the growing of the character in this episode and it shows a lot of the real acting abilities of the actors inside...

Be strong but humble
Being humble makes you stronger,
Be powerful but loving
As love makes you complete;
Be rich but not proud
Proudness makes you rotten inside,
Be forgiveness but not hatred
Hatred eats you up inside.
As a men with all this virtue,
His life shall be fulfilled
And fulfilled it shall remain till the end of his life.

Hate it...

I don't know what have gone into me... I hate driving alone now... I was of buying some stuff for my mom just now and I was driving alone, it was since I step on the accelerator there is this sour feeling building up inside me... It's a feeling that make me lost my concentration to drive... Or maybe it's the silence in the car, I didn't know the reason and I don't know why... But at this point I really hate driving alone by myself... Please could anyone come up with a great solution for me... Can anyone help me... I couldn't so on myself... Could someone just bonk it in my head and make me lost my memory... I think people will be happier if they could delete the things they wouldn't like... Oh please god, erase my memory... I rather be in coma for the whole life... Please save me...

Jerry Maguire in my head...

I haven't totally come down from the movie yesterday night... I have already finish the movie and I am totally touched by it... I got all emo today... But still i could get my jobs done like a normal person... Not one movie get me so touched... Not one movie got me so emotional for so long...

Is it that most men are the same, most man live a life like Jerry Maguire, does most man regret on their choice and regret on their life... If I am to be Jerry Maguire am I loser like him too... Could anyone give me an enlightment to my question... Does most man live a pathetic life...

I haven't try sharing a movie with someone... I should've get a movie sessions for friends together and we'll have great talks after that... Good idea huh...

The story I am writing is not done yet... I'll try to complete the whole chapter one as soon as possible... Thx for your support...

The best damn LOVE story...

I am watching Jerry Maguire while I am writing this... I regretted that I did not get this movie earlier... It is one of the best best best love story I have ever seen... It got me running tears in my eyes... It's been long since I watch a movie that got me into a state like this... Every word is so so sweet and I love the songs inside... It's a must have for everyone... Those who have never seen it before... Go get one and start thinking about your life.

I am at the point where Renee Zelweger starts to ask for a divorce from Tom Cruise... It felt so pain, it shows me the pain of someone asking someone for out... I couldn't help but crying... It tells me about what i missed in my life... I got into the zone again...

It's a great movie and really it is... It is like from the best story i have ever read... It shows friendship and love, trust and dignity, it's like a story of how to live a life good... That's the way of how one should live it...

I really enjoy this show and really if one is to be get touched, this is the movie to be...

Untitled.... Chapter I

As he lay his finger on the buttons, hitting each of the particular button, making combinations that will make sense. His dream is flying and his finger is dancing on the keyboard, words start to form and sentence by sentence he lay on his LCD monitor. It's pretty hard to imagine him doing so, Roland Schwartz has never been typing a real thing on his screen since ever he was drop out from his college. He was the dedicated typist and editor for his study group, he was never good that good at his studies but he got a sense for language, esspecially english. He took a deep puff of his red Dunhill. It was his first hit in seven years. He did quited but it was a sense of emptiness in his heart that he took it up again.

He drop by the convenient store outside his apartment this afternoon. He didn't know what to get, he was just lingering around looking at faces around the street and inside the store. He look at the shelf, this particular one which is fill with candy bar and chocolates. It was his favorutite section, no matter if it's a supermarket or any shop. If there is a section that he will definately go, it will be this section of the store. He pick up a few Snickers bar, some Kit-Kat to go with it, A few bag of M & M's, the one with peanuts to be exact, some random chocolate bars and his personal favourite, Toblerone White, he grabs five or six of it and dump it all together into the basket. He turn towards the fridge and took twelve bottles of Corona and put it into the basket as well before he heads toward the check out. As he drop his basket in-front of the counter, Mrs. Richegear drop two packets of 20' Dunhill into the basket. Mrs. Richegear was the owner of the convenient store, she run this whole joint by herself, occasionally she get some kids to come down and help tidying and lifting some heavy goods which she is unable lift at her age of 75. "It seems like you will need this today Rol." Mrs. Richegear saying it with a nice smile on her face. She is an old smoker herself. He knows it since he moved in ten years ago and Rol, that was how she called him since he bought his stuff for the first time here. He was a very heavy smoker then and he ussually drop by daily for his two packets of 20' Dunhill. It was seven years ago that he stopped doing so. "Well, Liz I quited for seven years." Roland answer while trying to return the two packs of red brick to Mrs. Richegear. "I have been smoking since i was fifteen years old and i know when a man needs it the most." answered Mrs. Richegear. She check out his stuff and handed him the bag of goods, giving him a smile while wave him goodbye.

He reach home, unpack the things accordingly, putting the chocolates in the drawer, beers in the fridge and Dunhill on his working desk. By the time he caught back his breathe, he could see the bowl he use as ashtray fill with at least seventeen or eighteen cigarette butt and had almost finish the last of his beer. Where have he went all this time, where have his mind went all this time. He look at his watch, seing the arm ticking second by seconds. It's about ten o'clock now and the sky outside is black, dark black. He recalled watching his watch when he reach home just now, somewhere around 2.45 pm. Where have all his memory went during the seven or eight hours period. He could see that there is still an unopen box of Dunhill laying next to the keyboard but there was two opened box. One emptied and one with two sticks remaining inside. Weird he thought, he got two from the convenient store but there is three in his room. Did he went somewhere to get the third pack? He took the unopen box and search for the price tag. And he is sure that this one is not the one he bought from the convenient store this afternoon. It marked 7-Eleven on the price label sticker. There is no 7-Eleven on this side of the street, not in this area. The closest one is about 10 minutes drive from Roland's apartment. "What have i done in those hours." said Rol as he took a glimpse of the now filled with words LCD screen of his desktop. He look closely just to see what have he just typed, it doesn't make sense. None of it make out a full word or sentence. It's more like a set of codes then a page of words. He couldn't take this anymore, his head starts to get dizzy due to the 12 bottles of Corona that he don't remember he have gulped and the thirty plus stick of Dunhill he have smoked. He is not only drunken by alchohol now he is might as well drunken on nicotine. He could not think any other things except to go to bed now. He will settle this tomorrow when he woke up. Only with a conscious mind he could know what to do.


---To be continued---

Into the Zone....

I have just finished one of the best novel, It was Stephen King's, Bag of Bones... It all started like a love story, one with affairs... And end the story with some love, creepy, spritual, hate, conflict, suspense horrow and mystery...

I started changed my blog to this font because it was the favourite font of the main character inside, Michael Noonan's... Courier... This tend to get me drive into the book a lot... It make me feel as if i was living the novel... Using a used playing card as bookmark, one part taken from the novel too... It's a nice paperback for someone who is into deep feelings and maybe some weird feeling thinking it was him, Stephen King himself in the story... Everything sound so real as if Mr. Stephen King is having those same experience in the story...

It all started from a writer's block... Which started from nightmares... And slowly from word by words, day by days it draw you deeper in the story, so deep that you starts to have images in your mind and it felt so hard to pull yourself back to reality...

I could spend days talking about the story... I would just say Mr. Stephen King had a great score for this book... Every character sounds so alive... Everything thing sounds so real... The writing might as well look messy as sometimes he incorporate a little too much of other fonts in the story which makes u feel in a different zone... But really at the end of the story you'll be amazed of his word, it's like a work of art... I would reccommend this to people that have good imaginations and knows how to dive into a book... Two thumbs up from me, really, really it's a good book... Go drop by somewhere and get a copy yourself... I got into the zone, just like Mike Noonan... I am well inside the zone....

Strike... 2wo....

Pretty shitty today... Haven't been this shitty for the past weeks... It's like being hit once that make you whinning and crying for help... And once again you got hit at the same spot while you are recovering... Strike 2wo... Not even missing a dime of a millimeter... One more strike and you might as well be going home...

The second hit did nothing but pure pain and agony... Pure pain that bring me to sleepless night, not totally sleepless but I kept waking up to nightmares... Went out for a drink middle of the night and take a hit of substance which work well this time as a substance to keep me wide asleep till this morning... Only drawback is I couldn't work or think as fast... Whole brain being sluggish and heavy... Kinda work well for my reading though... Well reading has been my great escapade... Being totally drawn into the story work fine for keeping myself busy with the brain and nothing of the emotions...

I just hope I could hit a nice home run this time... And not hit by a strike 3ree which will send me to somewhere of nowhere... I would walk slow and enjoy the whole run and cheer and the two strikes behind with the painful effects... Let us just hope so...

I might as well write a review on the book i am currently reading this afternoon... I am currently about 80% of the book and planning if there is any other book that i might as well continue after this... Anyone got any good paperback to borrow... Well or do any of you have a copy that u can sell me in a bargain price...

I'll have to work harder to recover from my second strike... I hope there is no third strike landing on me any sooner....

Breaking dreams...

It's been quite some years that I didn't dream so frequently... And I never found the Courier font look so nice... My mind is too strange for me to think normal now...

The frequency of my dream is freaking me out a lot... I have to take some substance to help me sleep without dreaming... The dreams are all so clear and all makes me felt that i am not dreaming...

The occurence of a good and bad dreams at the same time really makes weak... Everything seem so fragile... It felt like two different dream but it occured at the same time... It was two different dream but felt like it kinda happen at the same place... I would have my happiest moment in one dream and at the same time some people will be intefering with it and make it a nightmare... I always woke up all wet in my own sweat... So wet that it seems like I went to bed right after bath and didn't dry up...

I was going a lot of the novel again... Maybe it's a thing about the story that make me feel attached... Maybe it's Michael Noonan's story that sound a lot like mine... Or it's Michael Noonan's character that is so like me makes me feel attached...

I am having a tired mind and tired soul... I think writing my experience out give me a sense of relieve and salvation... I have gone too far in my inner self, too far that I couldn't pull myself out from it... My inner self is so deep and dark it's like the Pandora's Box, so dark that it will drowned me to death... But i haven't seem a dime of light call hope... Or I wasn't been in deep enough... Deep enough to reveal all of myself...

My mind is about to explode again... Just maybe not as bad as before... But i fell deep into my misery again...

Monday blues...

Was a little unwilling to get out of bed this morning... Went to sleep about 3 or 4 in the morning... My mind was kind of in the frustrated thing again... Hearing some songs got me all emotional too... Unbelievably I managed to force my mind to think otherwise...

Got my hair cut yesterday... Jason was still a very trustable hair-stylist... I just let him know what i expect and he will work his magic... It's a little too short this time but still it look great...

Things went pretty fine after the hair cut... Went dinner with my big bro and her fiancee... It was a happy dinner and we have a lot of joking around and some great story telling by my brother...

But the hard to sleep situation yesterday make me ultimately in the blues today... And I think it will be all blues in the morning, misery every evening for me today... Anyone to save me out of my blues...

Spinning world...

Woke up this morning with quite a spinning head... Having good dreams and bad dreams at the same time... So i don't even know which is good and which is bad... Felt like a Isweet dreams and some part of it feels bad... My dreams are so messed up... This is like dreaming of manderley...

Have quite some good time yesterday, although I got some psycho time driving on federal highway yesterday... I hate why those car have to drive more careless than me... There was like an accident on the street, fine if u wanna see... But i don't think you need to be at dead slow and watch the whole line of car there, which might as well not the car's in accident but those tow car runner... Please you're a driving hazard when you drive like that...

The yum char was nice with my muiz... We'd talk a lot... The Indo Mee Goreng was not nice but still I have a good time... I think I am really going to end my anti social life... I am going out to meet up friends again... It's been a long time since i have a lot of chance doing so...

For my friends who is concern about me... Thank you for your concern... I am fine and I know I don't look and feel all fine to you guys... But i am getting better now already... With the help from you, my friend I will be at full swing at no time... I don't know how soon... But soon I believe... Let us just hope it's before the eve of Christmas this year...

Yesterday outings with my trusty brother is so fine... Totally awesome... Never that awesome... Also has one of the best, best RAMLI BURGER in the whole wide stretch of KL for supper... It is so so god damn tasty... The wait is worth it... I am going Jalan Ipoh for burger again... Anyone wanna join me....

I haven't know why... But I felt my spinning head make me feel normal... Maybe it's because the world is spinning itself all the time too... SPINNING WORLD + SPINNING HEAD = GOD DAMN NORMAL...

Smoothness

Woke up today in a blur state... Look sleepy and I move slowly... But it all was so normal... It is so normal that I find myself weird... Weird in fact that I haven't feel so normal for about a month now...

Was doing a lot of reading since yesterday night... Took out an old title and read it, didn't finish it the last time, I found it as a burden to my brain... But miraculously I have reached page 219 out of 732 page of novel so far... Applause please... Dunno why I got so drive into the story itself... I found the writing to be able to "teach my mind to misbehave"... that's a quote from the book itself... Got to get my hands on some other paperback when I have finish this...

Well I think I am not normal after all, I don't do that much of reading... But at least I am going the good way...

Things are going the same... My family was kinda shock when I was holding the book the whole day... I am always the one either holding a magazine or maybe even holding a comic but not a book that thick... They were kinda thinking I must be reading some love stories... But out of the amazement I was reading somewhat of a mystery thriller kinda thing... I think they are really thinking I gone crazy or maybe not that worst just a little out of my mind...

Maybe after what happen yesterday it really make me grow up a lot... I don't know if I have grow up... It's for you, those who know me to view and judge... Well planning ahead for a lot of things... Still planning to learn DJ mixing, just if my mom will sponsor me or any of you people will give me free lessons or sponsor me for my classes... Gonna pick up back on my guitar, although I don't plan to write a song but it's the fact I think I should make good use of my old, dusty guitar in my room... Giving my chance to see if I can get a job as an editor or writer for a column too, it'll be great if it's on a part time basis... I don't want to just abbandoned what I could gain from my father's shop but at the same time I wanna try and see if I could really write something that could get people touched or feel the same state I am in when writing the stuff...

A lot of planning to do still... But one thing will never change... That same old one thing... LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST...

XD XD

Stepping out of the pain...

I just finish a painful chat with a cousin sister of mine... She was always like a sister of mine... She told me some painful and inspiring words... I think it is until now that i am really going to step out of my pain...

It's been bothering me for the past few days... The thought and the problems, I just hope everything will be fine after today... I am going to look forward and not back...

What need to be said has been said, what need to be done has been done, what said is said, what done is done... There is no way to change it, there is no way to amend it... God will not turn back time for us, but they could give us more courage and strength to move on...

I will not hope for miracles, I will hope for courage... I will not pray for dreams, I will pray for strength... I will not dream of miracle, I will make dreams come true...

I think god have show it's power to me, he gave me obstacles so I would overcome it and be true... It gave me chance to grow to be a better man... I haven't totally grow up yet and i ain't not living my life to the fullest yet too... But i am now half way there and I am going to fight hard to be at the very end of my life being full...

Life is not all about happiness, joy or laughter... Life is about everything you feel... No matter it's sadness or sorrow, misery or pain... Each one of it will make you grow up, each one of it will make you wiser...

I wanna say a great goodbye to my life before as i am reborn today... Goodbye To You, Goodbye To Me... May i be a better man for the days to come, may i be a better man for my future...

I am killing my braincells

I could hardly sleep yesterday... Slept at about 5 in the morning and woke up to work at 8... Very moody today, I could be laughing to the lamest joke anyone make and be all fussy and angry right after it... While forcing my brain function normally, I think I am killing my braincells at the same time...

Been quite busy today negotiating with a client who need some job done, urgently... The calls haven't stop since morning and I think I am crazy hearing my phone playing the same ringtones... I am going back to basic with my ringtones soon... Havings songs playing over and over again reminding you to pick up the call is killing me... The default ring... ring... sound sweeter to me now... Playing a song as a ringtone will soon make be bored of that song even if it's my favourite song... Or maybe I should update it every month...

Not having the munch to eat anything today... Force myself to finish my breakfast cause I know I need the food and it's just my brain telling me I am full... The noodle is still the same as in the last few years, quite delicious... But I just lost my appetite looking at it... Well I think I am killing my braincells again and I am killing myself as well...

I was about to think I could be just fine after all... But yesterday I found out that it was not fine at all... My brain is just play a fool of me, playing lies and games with me... I was not totally fine yet but just me myself trying to act fine...

Time did not do me any good I know... I think it is bringing the worst out of me... Sometimes I think I am losing faith to what I believe... After long period of praying and chanting I just don't see miracles in my life or maybe they are showing it in a different way... I am not sure where my faith is... But I still think that I am a lucky person, I have friends to wake me up and bring me out of my misery when i need them, an understanding family that accept my bad mood for the moment and try not to burden me with too much of work loads, a brother who is there for me when I needed company, a bunch of net friends who talks to me when they don't even know me... I still need one thing in my life to make it perfect, but just that one thing in life is missing now...

The best song for my mood now is from KORN's MTV Unplugged album, the fifth title in it... It's call Creep... As Jonathan says this song will gives him power and it's dedicated to kids and adult who has been picked on and make them feel inadequate... Was I being treated inadequately... I dunno, but the lyrics suit my feelings and situation now...

I will share a few more songs title I found that it's nice lately... But that's for later, I need to go get some food for lunch... Ain't gonna kill myself by starvation...

The King & The Peasant...

Long before world has cars cellphones, long before world have bicycles and plane, there is a kingdom where people ride in horse and women wash their laundry at the river. The one who rule the kingdom, the almighty King, King Bruce they named him. He rule the country with a lot of efforts, everyone in it has enough food and clothes, his army is strong and powerful, the swords are razor sharp.

The King has a Queen and one Queen it shall be and a Princess, a beautiful princess indeed. The King and Queen gave her a sweet name Princess Heidi, Heidi dear. Her beauty is uncomparable to any women in the world and her heart is as soft and loving as a deity or an angel. She have love for all, human and animals, she is always surrounded by small animals, birds and squirrel, hamsters and cats.

The King, the Queen and the Princess lives in their fortress, their castle. A castle so great that even the hermit, the traveller and the voyager has not seen any castle near its greatness. But on the outside of the castle, a very dark corner of it, there is a house. A house that's built out of woods and straws, it merely could bare a heavy storm. In the house there live a family, a family nor rich or poor, nor lives a luxurious life but they are happy.

Though sometimes they have small arguements but they are happy, simple life they live but they are happy. The family is constructed by a Father, a Mother and a Child, teen at his age. The family work for one of the Baron, they are peasants. The Child the teen was born right at the time the Princess learn her first word. Destiny as it should be. The Child was given a name, a normal name but a warm name, Michael he shall be named. After the angel.

Michael has a strong heart, he never wants to be a peasant forever, he struggles and he fights, but luck was not by his side. He never give up he never does. He has a dream, a wild dream, he wish to marry the princess, his family laughed everytime hearing his dreams, but he never changed his mind. Princess Heidi was the only angel to his heart.

People call it coincidence, some call it destiny, every year on Michael's birthday he receive a very pleasant gift. It is not from his parents of from his best buddy. It's a special gift, a gift only could be a bless from an angel. On every years of his birthday, he would wake up as usual, wash and have his meal. He would then return to his bed on the second floor, opening the window next to his bed. And there is where he have his best bless of the year, the only gift he needed for the year, the best time of his life. A parade, not a normal parade but a great parade for the princess. As the princess will venture out of the castle and have a look at the world outside once every year, the only time in a year. Coincidence maybe destiny, it's the very same day as Michael's birthday. He never miss a year since he was one.

The joked started the time too, he would muttered some words from his yayadada baby voices, saying "I wanna marry the princess one day." Everyone in the family laughed and rolled on floors, who would have imagine a peasants dream was to marry the Princess.

As for years passed by, every year at his birthday he still makes the same wish, marrying the Princess. At the age of 21, Michael's 21st birthday, the King make a very important announcement, Princess Heidi is 22 at age, and it is time for her to search for a strong, honest, loving and also a rich man to be her Prince of her heart, her loving husband. As the news travel through the kingdom, through the valley and through the alley, any men, any men who is single went to the castle to wait for their chance, their once in a lifetime chance to might have married the Princess. So does the son of the Barons, Knights and Duke, every men went crazy by the King's announcement.

The audition will go on for seven days, a week shall it be. Michael seeing it as the chance of his lifetime did not want to miss his only oppurtunity to reach his only dream, marrying the Princess.

He informed his father, his father thinking that it might be a good way to stop him from day-dreaming allowed him to do so, under one condition. If he shall have to do it, he shall never give up till his last breath.

So off Michael went on the first day of the audition assuming that it should be a great time to start off. Not knowing what to expect, Michael was shock with what he sees, the line going into the castle has reach the depth of the woods. By the time he reach the end of the line, it has already been ten of thousands of people infront of him, shock but with a strong heart Michael figure it that he will at least be there by the end of the seven days. So there he wait with all his heart, thinking on his dream coming true.

Days went by, and the line never shorten, Michael was about to reach into the castle at the end of the seventh day. His heart so strong, his will never diminished by the days of waiting. Strong heart he have as most of the people on the line look hopeless and grey, the face look grey.

It's his turn now, the King asked him to come forward. As he walks in nervously being the first time getting so close to the royalty, talking in front of the royalty.

The King spoke "What is your name and why are you here?" with a grey face, the Kings face is grey having auditions and asking the same old question everytime for the past six days.

Michael answered, his voice trembling "Michael son of Rivera, I am here to marry the princess."

"Rise Michael son of Rivera, and answer my questions." the King follow on as Michael finishes his speeches. "Who you are and who your Father are?" the first question the King asked Michael.

Honestly as he is, Michael answered "I am a peasant for the Baron, so do my Father and my family."

The king laughed, he never laughed for the past six days. It's the funniest thing he have ever heard for his live. "A peasant, a peasant dare to stand here and answer my questions and saying he wish to marry the Princess. This is a nonsense. Guards remove him from this court."

As the guard moved in, Michael answer the Kings doubt "Your highness, a honest man you're looking for and a honest man here i stand, not hiding my past, my present, not hiding my history, not hiding my family."

The King holds his guard, thinking that this man speech make sense. "He is right, let him stay and we'll see what of a man is him."

"So Michael son of Rivera how strong are you? Can you move a giant rock? Can you slice a sword through a heavy armor?" That was the King's second question.

Michael hesitated a while and he answered "Your highness i could not move a giant rock or slice my sword through a heavy armour, but i am strong enough to work everyday to feed my family and pay the baron rent so that your highness the King, the Queen and the Princess have enough food and wine for their luxurious meal."

The King nods as Michael's words make sense "Yes and you are the strongest man in my kingdom. But are you a rich man my son?" there goes the King's third question.

As the King finishes his last word Michael answered the King's doubt "I might be poor in material but i am rich in emotions, my emotions for the kingdom, my emotions for the King, my emotions for my family and my emotions for the princess."

"Rich you are Michael son of Rivera, but you're a peasant. A peasant, you're not a Baron or a Knight, you're not a Duke or a Royalty, you're not even a scholar. What can you do to maintain the Princess's life of Royalty? You don't plan to just feed the Princess with plain bread and roast boar." the King ask not giving a chance for Michael to take a second breath.

"Your highness, I will work day-in-day-out so that i can give the Princess the life of the Royalty, not starving her for even one minutes." Michael answered bravely.

The King was impressed "Good my son, and yes you're brave and hardworking. But one last question my son and think slow and speak wise when you answer me. How much do you love the Princess?" that was the king last question.

Michael was silence, for ten of minutes he was silence. "Your highness, I ain't well educated as the Baron, the Knight or the Duke. But i love the Princess ever since i see her through my window when i was one. She is like an Angel in the sky, blessing every moment of my life. I do not know sweet words, as i am speaking right now, sweet words are just candy coating. I speak from my heart and my love for the Princess is from the heart as well. I might not know the scale to measure love, but my love for the Princess is unmeasurable. If your highness will have push me to say how much i love the Princess, I love the Princess with all my hearts and soul."

The court went silence as everyone was shocked and touched by his words, a voice break the silence. It sounds like a voice of an angel, a light that break the darkness in the sky "Father i will marry this honourable man, he is not a peasant but the most honourable man in your land. And i will marry him even if you doubt it." it is the first time Michael heard such soft voice, so soft it's like silk in the air, but yet every word struck him like bells on the chapel. This is the first time Michael have heard the Princess beatiful voice, and yes it is as beautiful as she is.

"And yes he will be your men of honour, and yes he will also be the holder of my throne on your wedding day." the King says while breaking in tears of joy, knowing her daughter have got the best man in the world.

Every one cheered and cry with joy as they were too, touched by his words.

At the wedding day everyone cheered for Michael and Princess Heidi. As everyone know they will be the most loving couple in the land of earth and not a peasant marrying the Princess. And yes they will live happily ever after.

Looks and status could be deceiving, one should only judge someone by it's trueself their true inner beauty. One might not be rich in a material way, but they are rich in their love and emotions. One might not be strong as an ox, but they are strong mentally to fight for a living in their life. One might not be good at words, but the plainest english will bring the best of all the emotions. Love as the biggest power in a human's emotion, use it to empower you, motivate you and revive you. Being honest as one of the biggest virtue in oneself, be true to your feelings, be true to your loved ones, be true and truth shall help you.

THE END.

P/S: Do enjoy the story and leave me a comment on what you think about my story. Love it or hate it, your comments count. If you found this interesting, do pass this around your friend so that everyone will have a good story in their mind. And lastly Thank you for the support of finishing my stories and i do hope my stories bring the best out of you.

Emotional pain killers please...

It been a lot of days, I thought the pain will be less... But something tripped me again today... Nothing changes not even the pain... I thought the time has work its magic, but it seems not... I even thought nothing could hurt me no more, but i was wrong...

A lot of ideas came through my head... All so messed up and jammed... The ideas seems right but mixed up together to make me feel wrong... Am i going mad... Not yet, coz when i start to blog it seems that thing went to the right place...

The pain is still killing me, I can't deny it... I didn't know have the special someone received my dedication of words and thought... Do any one have a emotional pain killer or maybe some method of emotional pain killing that work effectively and effeciently... Emotional pain killer please...

Have a great idea of a inspiring short story... I would post it up when i finished it... Do show some support and if u find it interesting reccommend it to your friends... With all your support i will come out with more interesting stories to be shared...

Really thinking bout a writing kind of job... Do drop me a line if u know any great oppurtunities... I will try and if failed i will try again... That's me, when i choose a path i fight hard and struggle hard to reach the very end of the path...

My muiz is still in singapore i think, hope you enjoy your time there... Kinda miss her coz haven't been chatting with her for a while... Hope she is fine and emotionally fine...

One of my best fren is moving somewhere... Hardly gonna see her online again, that's what she told me... So i am going to say thank you for accompanying me when i am at my deepest, darkest sorrow... Will gonna miss your crazy words... Miss you my best biatchs...

Gonna get myself some soothing music later at home... I need to calm my mind again so i can think real straight... If i would overcome all this and maybe more, I would grow up to be a Man, a great man i shall be then...

One nice uplifting poetry i read on a mag....

This is a poetry i read while doing some reading just now... I found that the mag has a lot of great useful information... I think i am going to get a monthly digest of that... Here is how the poetry goes... I'ts IF by Mr. Rudyard Kipling...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give away to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to makes a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's go in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

I think this is good, he tells everything needed to be a grown up man... I will take this poetry and recite it everyday so i can make changes and grow up.... I think those who read it and understand it will grow up too... Thanks for the support in my blog... Hope everyone will be a Man...

Feeling dead...

I hate holidays... It's 1st of May and i am not feeling good about holidays... Never hated holidays that much... Times during holiday is killing me every seconds... Things aren't as before...

A lot of people is enjoying their life on holidays and i am suffering from it... My muiz went to singapore(Remember to get me a souvenir)... Do wish to go on a vacation, but something inside me says it's a bad idea...

Woke up this morning early... 4 am... Didn't know why, maybe it's the pain... I am really having a lot of times to figure out about myself... My mistakes, my wrong, my careless and my feelings... Maybe it's time like that, that will make people grow up in an instance... Maybe it's things like that, that will make you a better man... Maybe it's situation like that, that will make me learn how to control my urge, mood, emotions and pain...

It's been 15 days and still counting... Being experimentals with songs again... Finding songs that'll soothe my pain... I hate the pain...

I HATE HOLIDAYS = I HATE THE PAIN......

Dedicated to you... The only you...

I never wrote a post dedicated to anyone... All my last post was mainly on how i felt for this few days... I am gonna break my rules for once... And i hope the person i dedicate this to would read it and hope that this could change her mind... I would now disclose her name here just to be fair to her...

I dunno how all this could have happen in just one day... I questioned myself... I know i hurt you that day, i should've believe you, trusted you but I didn't... Is this all because of a misunderstanding, then please let us have the chance to make things right... I didn't want to leave that day, but i couldn't stay, I have pressures and you didn't ask me to stay...

If you think i don't trust you enough, then i'll change, I won't check your phones, your mails, or your friend circles... If you think i haven't been giving you enough space that you can hang out with your fren, then i am sorry, i don't have my space too but i promise i'll let u have yours, you'll just have to inform... If you think we didn't spend enough time together, then i'll try to find you as often as i can... If you think i don't have a bright future, then i'll show you my efforts, my efforts in taking the chances my dad give me... If you think we don't go out as often, i promise you we'll go out to places at least twice a month... If you think i don't buy you enough stuff then i'll try to save up and try to give you whatever you want... If you think i wasn't honest enough or i didn't plan for our futures, then please give me one more chance to share all my darkest secret and my plans i have made for two of us...

I shouldn't accussed you for going out with another guy. I shouldn't have speak heavy words to you, I shouldn't have ask you back for the phone(i just wanted to see you again, that's why i ask you for the phone), I shouldn't have complaint about bathing the hamster... I regretted and i promise and i swear to you i will change to become a better person for you...

I hope that you bite me and scratch me when you're mad at me... I don't mind if you bite blodds and flesh out of me... i just hope you forgive me... Beat me, slap me and scold me if u want, as long as you can forgive me for my mistakes...

Please give me one more chance, please give me one more chance to make this relationship works, please give me one more chance to share a dream and future with you...

If you would ask me how much i love you, I would say i loved you with all my life and soul... If you would would ask me how much i miss you, I would say i miss you so much that when i don't see you or hear your voice, seconds pass like days, minutes pass like weeks, hours pass like years, days pass like centuries... I know that you haven't totally give up too... Please give me a chance and i'll prove everything is as i promised...

Drunken on nicotine....

Was in the stage of drunk on nicotine again... Didn't smoke but still the feeling is just like it... If anyone knows how bad that it feel, they'll know how deep of a shit i am in now... The feeling that you couldn't withdraw yourself from... It's hard, the only easy way out... Talk slow, act slow, think slow... It will ease off when you don't push it...

I was wondering is everything in this world has thing to do with equation... I read this article about human behavior... People tend to make equation of how situation will be in their own mind, making simulation out of the situation they are in, the people they face and the character of them and you... People tend to find the higher possibility of a more cherished result they think... That's how human makes decision...

But... Life is not an equation, things in life doesn't make an equation... Things a lot of time doesn't happen as we think... Though many times things happen as we simulate them, but that is all about one thing, LUCK... Many things in life happen just like that, esspecially love... Love is one very special thing, totally unequalable, you couldn't even know what will happen next... You couldn't calculate what u gave and what u will receive... Being able to score a girl that you love the most is not about strategy, it's not about timing, it's not about how many gift you bought, it's not about what you've done... Everything is about luck...

So do feel lucky if you're with the girl you love now... Do feel lucky that you still see her smile... Do feel lucky when she says she loved you... Do feel lucky when u get to sing to her... Do feel lucky when she scold you, coz she still care...

Hope i am lucky again... Hope lady victory is by my side... May everyone is lucky in this world... PEACE...

P/S: I have a long wish list and i hope someone will help me out with it....

Good morning world...

Good morning to the world... To the world i live in... Blogging todays means i could have still wake up from my sleep... I could have still wake up from the darkest moment... I didn't just sleep and just travel to meet good ol lucifer...

We might wake up to the most frustrating world, we might wake up to our deepest sorrow, we might wake up to a tedious job, we might wake up as a routine of our daily life... But... But, be greatful that we woke up today, we woke up to work and study, we woke up to attend exam and shits, we woke up to work day in, day out, we woke up to face our biggest challenge in life, we woke up to overcome our deepest sadness... Be greatful, be greatful we should...

Saw the newspaper from yesterday, how i wish the world do not need newspaper... Old saying, no news is good news... People getting fraud, accident kills, attempted raping... The attemted raping was from the college i came from, and the college i was drop out from... Some student was about to get raped and killed... And the most awkyard thing was, it was the campus security trying to do so... I was wondering what was the requirement needed to apply for that job, employing someone who could not even control himself to control the safety of the students... The administration must be mad, or was they mad before, they were mad all the time...

Just got few new songs for my playlist, M 5 - Makes me wonder, Trvs - Closer, L Kvitz - All of my life... Of course via the most common, hitech way... Illegal downloads.... Don't ask me why i dun get the legal ones, we all malaysian knows why... Legal are too exspensive to buy, and that goes for eveything here... I wanted to give support, but no one is supporting me... So just not to get myself into troubles, i will just put little hint of who the artist is and you guys figure it out yourself...

Life has changed for me, changed a lot, trying to adapt it, trying to get use to it, but still i hope one thing never change from day one... But i could only feel my hope diminishing, decreasing, depreciating... Make one thing never change, that is the only one thing i need... For now... Forever...

Counting seconds

Time ticks by, seconds by seconds, by the time you figure it out, it's been day and still time doesn't go backway, my life still move on... Did i move on or just my body moving... Life wasn't easy... Trying to find things to do... Trying to numb my brain...

Numb was a good word, getting numb is the best thing in the world... Feel no pain, feel no thing, feel nothing at all...

My body is tired, my mind is tired, my soul is tired... God please show your miracle, if this is one time i wanted to see a miracle, it's now... Not then, not before, but just now...

Been into a lot of music to settle my mood lately... Never heard a song so deep before... Never set my mind in such a trance state when i am sober before... Wanna give it up to new genre... Never accept so many of new things... Trying to accept changes in life...

I hope nothings changes... Never change, i dun like adapting to new things... Makes me feel strange, makes me feel uncomfortable, makes me different... Makes me a total stranger...

I don't want to be the stranger in the city, i don't want to be a stranger in my mind....

God make things never change, not like the way i hated it...

I couldn't hate you....

I copied this from one of my favourite movie of all time... 10 things i hate about you... I amend it to suit my situation...

I hate the way you ignore me,
and the way you cut me out.
I hate the way you make me wild.
I hate it when you smile.
I hate your curly hairs,
and the way you make me down.
I hate you so much it makes me sick;
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.

I try to hate the thing's that she've done... But i just couldn't do so...

Rainy days

It seems like it's been raining quite frequently... Things have gone from bad to worst... Always like the rain... It has a lot of sweet memories... It always has been... Not now, not this time of the year... The same time, the same rain, but it felt like pieces of blade cutting through my heart... Every single drop sounds like a bulldozer over my brain...

Been woken up by my worst nightmare again... Force myself to take a couple hour more rest... Yes rest is all i need... The best dream kept me sleeping... Never want to wake up... Please prolong the dream... Keep me in comma... Keep me wide asleep... I don't want it to end...

Feeling ultra bad again... Never worst... Why can't time do it's job, why can't i just move on... Why did the sickness hit me again... Why does it hurts more...

Maybe i wasn't buying you small gifts, maybe i didn't call as often, maybe i was angry coz i was pist off... Maybe all that happens because i was in deep shit before and i am recovering, maybe i need to work late and time wasn't enough, maybe i still do care a lot...

God please turn back time, god please amend my mistakes, god please give me more time, god please give me more live, god please send me my angel, god please damned me for being bad, god please give me one more chance...

I couldn't move on, couldn't move on without that one person... If rains would bring me memories, i hope those who have memories there share the same moment, i hope rain would pour and people will remember all their memories and cherish it for every moment...

Rainy days reminds me of you,
Rainy days reminds me of times,
If one day rain shall dry, my love for you will cry...

May rainy days bring the best lover together, may the rain bless you with your best luck, may the rain give you your best strength, may your love ends at the day rain is dry...

Nothing changes

This is my third entry of blog... I notice that i am not the only one suffering here... I knew a guy from i think US or dunno where is having the same problems as i do... I knew a few person who also have times that they dun appreciate the things they have...

Is it time we should have sit down and think again... Think closely and think slowly... Is it what we are chasing worth our sacrifice... Our time, our live, our life, our pain... Does the person you're chasing even know your sacrifices, your pain... Or does that person just don't even care...

Maybe we're just all the same... We know it for good and we know that it's not the answer we want... We're just going to do the same thing... Deny it... Coz that just give us hope to continue our life...

I woke up this morning with the best dream of my life... How i wish it was true... How i wish i could just continue sleeping down... Been quite normal this few days... No extra emo... Maybe i'm numb...

I am numb to a point that i can't think well... I can't even blog right... Time is doing it's job...

I read this in my fren's nick... This is how it goes... It is written in mandarin and i try to translate it... Some people say time will do it's job and bring the pain away, it doesn't bring the pain away, it'll only get you use to it, getting use to the pain... This is how the nick wrote, i more or less think it was right... She also said something else, she'll appreciate what she have now, we can't control what has happen, but we can appreciate the love we have now...

I am kinda jealous with some people, i am kinda sad for some others too... If miracle could have happen, if i could have genie's three wishes, i would only wish for only thing... Is everything could be wonderful again... Ozone heals itself, the arctic ice will never melt, no meteorite is gonna struck earth, nuclear warhead are all dead, no more terrorism, no more war, no more thin model, johnny cash was alive, river phoenix didn't got overdose, bali was not bomb, 911 was just a prank call, everything is fine, Leslie Cheung is alive, love will be in the air and i am still around....

How i wish everything is wonderful now...

Moody days

This is the days I get all moody and everything... Things that happen just pop right into my mind... We can't deny it, it saddens us, the ultimate bad way... We're browsing around looking for company... Talking to people in your IM list which you never even talk to them before... It's hard to forget, it was never an easy task... It's hard to bring your mood right, you're in deep shits now... When you were just fine talking to your friends and they have to log off... Well we think that is fine... By the time you don't see their name online... The whole feeling struck you again... And this time double the pain, double the harshness... It's like getting drunk on nicotine, you never want to eat, you never feel well, the only thing u feel is bad, sad, moody, and wish to throw up... If you wanna know what i mean... Get the strongest brand of tobacco you know... Chain smoke until you stop and starts to feel cold in the inside, your stomach starts to turn, your face turn white... Yupe... That is how this all feel.

It's been seven days from now... I tried to take the innitiative to call the first two days, but it only trip me worst... Everything happen for the worst... Calling someone which you wish to talk to so a lot is always happy, but by the time she stop picking up your call... Every single dial tone trips you off too nuwark of nowhere... You just trip through the torture chamber, nightmare on elm street, nightmare land and how u wish u could wake up from it... Every single dial tone trips you off... Every single dial tone is a mind numbing tune... Every single dial tone cuts a piece of your mind and heart...

Since calling is no good, we will try the weirdest way to reach to that person... Going on IM... No luck, the person you're looking is hiding from you... Try to call the house... No luck either, the person you're looking for tells everyone that knows you for you to say that he/she is away... You tried sending that person comments on the friend circles website u know he/she have an account on, which you don't often do... Worst, she wasn't online all the time... The last resort, the best invention of the century... SMS short messaging system... You send numerous messages, long and short, you try every single word you know, you try to act fine so that he/she would at least reply you with a single word... But after numerous day of mind numbing act like that, you can't think straight... You're mind is about to blow, everything thing you do to reach out to that person has no use... Every single minute is tripping you bad, tripping you to go mad...

No use, they wouldn't know that... Worst, they don't even care to know... Damages has been done, wrong words come out from your mouth... Now you starts to regret, what if you think slower at that point? What if you would speak softer? What if you trusted them more? You made simulations out of the person you know... You know them too well... You never know someone that well... You regret for everything you done... You regret for everything you say... But too late, damages has been done... Time keep ticking, clocks keep running, people still work, you'll have to work, money still runs in the market, porn is still one of the famous search on search site, baby are borned, people are dying, massacre still happen, the world never stop spinning, we'll always know pluto as one of our universe, Shakespeare is dead, Dan Brown is big, web slinging hero is coming, Jack Sparrow was not dead, a kid won the movie awards in HK and your wrong has been done... This is the time you wish Einstein work out the time machine more than the E=MC2... You would wish you could turn back time... You would sell your soul to the devil for life sentence just to make things happen... Nothing supernatural happen... This is the time you pray hard and wish for a miracle...

You never give up, no one give up easily... Things about letting go was easy to say, but now you know holding on is easier... You would try anyway to gain attentions... But it wouldn't help... One of your most trusty fren give you the most cruel fact... You're annoying... You annoyed the person very much... You would only destroy your hope into ashes... The person will only hate you more... She gave you an idea... Live today, Fight tomorrow... That's the best word for it... It might mean u'll have to start from zero again... But it's the best way... Let time do the work... Let mind settle down... Let moods flow... Let the world go round... If it's your destiny to be with each other you will bump yourselves into it again... If you have faith for each other... No matter how far apart you are... You will still meet one day...

Love sometimes doesn't go two way... It was never meant to be like that... Sometimes you'll need to sacrifice yourself just to see that very person happy... And that's true love... The best love in the world is not about having to be with each other... The best love story happens when they're apart... Seeing him/her smile with happiness is the happiest moment in your life... That was always what you want him/her to be... Happy... Maybe by that time you're not the person beside him/her... But still you'll have your best moments in life... If he/she has the feeling for you, he/she will know you're suffering... He/She will know who is the best for him/her... Who treats him/her better... Treating him/her better doesn't mean buying him/her gift, bringing him/her to a exspensive restaurant or going out every weekend... Treating him/her better is treating them well, let them feel you need them, let them know they're everything to you in this world, share problems with them, they wanna know, smile to them, look into their eyes, give them long kisses which stop their breath, cuddle with them, carry them on your back when they said they're tired of walking...

I wish that this entry will be read and understood, to everyone who has the same problem with me let us pray that we are better... Like a muiz of mine said, take this as a time to view our mistake and problems... So by the time we are again with our loved ones, we are a better person, a person that he/she is willing to share his/her life with... And those who are in love... Appreciate what you see... They might be imperfect, do share with them your thoughts, you won't wanna change them but if they care, they will try their best to do better...

P/S: Let us all pray for the lives being taken in the Virginia Tech Gunman Massacre incident... Let us all pray for a world with less fight and quarrel, wars and killing, pollution and disasters... Let us all pray five minutes for them...